I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dear god my vagina.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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