I'm pants shitting drunk right now
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
