I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
