He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
