just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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