so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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