His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
