I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
