how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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