I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize