I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
