A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
