A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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