Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
