does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize