He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
