We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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