remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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