Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
