i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
