She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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