I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk is not a location!
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