OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize