i think my tv is drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
