Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
