i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
