Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
