she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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