He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
