My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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