I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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