while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
