So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
