I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
