I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize