I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
