There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
