Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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