Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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