you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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