You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
