Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
