i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
