dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize