I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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