Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to calm my uterus...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
