Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
