Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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