i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
