The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
