According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
