Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
