Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bring me that man meat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
