I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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