Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
