lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
