The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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