Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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