I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
