so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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