New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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