drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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