"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
