I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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