Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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