Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
