What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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