We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
