I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We got so high we made milksteak
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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