now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
