I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
