My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
