You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
