I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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