I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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